What is Normal?

On one of my rare outings these days to shop, the cashier commented cheerfully, “At least we’re back to semi-normal!” I paused before responding, realising I couldn’t quite agree. If “normal” is keeping away from other people, wearing a mask, washing and sanitising your hands so many times that your skin begins to fall off, well, I would put the emphasis on “semi”!

She looked at me a bit quizzically as I packed my groceries.

How “normal” has life been for you lately? How “normal” are you feeling?

With so much ongoing change and unpredictability, I find myself forced to either withdraw completely or embrace my creativity more fully. I choose the latter.

On my way home, I was amused to see two dogs, a great Dane and his tiny friend. What is “normal”? As I passed the woman walking the dogs, I asked if the two were friends. She responded that they had to be because they lived together. I noted that the little one was no bigger than the big one’s head. She declared that actually the big one’s head was bigger than the little dog, and added that the little one would hide under the big one when it rained!

What is “normal”? Which “normal” is better? The little dog had a creative solution to avoid getting wet. The big one had some advantages but needed to find a different way to meet that challenge of getting wet, which is important in Devon with its endless opportunities to work out how to creatively be with rain!

How do we meet the changes happening in world just now?

Embryonic Change

So much change so quickly reminds me of the little embryo growing in the womb. Day by day the embryo body changes dramatically. What would an embryo define as “normal”? One day the embryo body is a sphere, the next it is basically a midline, and soon after that little arm buds sprout, followed shortly after by leg buds. Is a spherical body normal? Is an armless, legless body normal? Embryologists would say it depends on the day, how long after conception are we looking at?

What is normal during a pandemic also seems to depend on the day. Are we wearing masks or not? In the UK, we were told to maintain a distance of 2 metres (yards) and then it suddenly changed to one. What is normal? What makes sense? Does any of it make sense? We probably need to ask ourselves questions like these…

When external reality and guidelines are rapidly shifting, it becomes expedient to listen more closely to our own internal wisdom and knowing. Little ones are more able to do this when they are held in a relatively stable, loving, safe, accepting environment. If their parents are living in chaos, fear, stress, threat or other challenging experiences (like possibly a pandemic), the little one is less likely to receive steady, trustworthy reflective feedback.

How can I learn about the effects of my own inner life force and feelings if they are not clearly reflected? It’s like looking in a pool of water. Compare what you would see if the water is turbulent or if it is clear. Little ones, both in the womb and after birth, require clear waters around them to maintain a clear relationship with themselves and establish a clear sense of self.

A “Normal” Birth?

How do we define “normal” in a world where “normal” birth has been considered to include being restricted to a hospital room and bed, surrounded by strangers telling us what to do, wearing masks, administering anaesthesia and other drugs to control the timing of the birth, etc.? How do we listen to and trust what we know and the natural changes in the body inherent in the birth process?

After birth, babies continue to change shape and abilities in rapid succession. We celebrate when they learn to hold their head up and later when they can sit, crawl, stand, walk and eventually run. Each developmental milestone can be measured according to someone else’s “normal,” or can be acknowledged and appreciated for what is true now with this individual.

Each change involves meeting challenges that enable development. A child who can lift her head but not yet move across the floor, meets the challenge of wanting to reach a desired object by learning to push into the floor, reach out towards the object, and begin to pull her body along with her. At some point, she arrives and then the next challenge arises – how to grasp the desired object.

Life is like that. In times of greater change, we are challenged to develop further. What is it that is just out of your reach at this time? What would support you in being able to move in that direction? Maybe it is not yet possible to go all the way towards your goal, but what would be the first step? If you feel unsteady on your feet at this time, what can support you in being more steady? That might be the first step. Babies know to hold onto the closest piece of furniture to support them. Adults tend to resist support, often believing we should be able to do it on our own, pushing ourselves to exhaustion or giving up and collapsing.

Just as the child has furniture as support, we always have the ground under us. Can you feel it? Mother earth is still there, even if changes are happening. Can you feel the support under your body? Can you feel the places where your body meets that support – whatever you are sitting on, where your feet meet the floor or ground?

Your breath is still there, even if you need to wear a mask at times. Can you have a sense of it moving, even if it’s just a little?

What else supports you in these turbulent times? I am reminded of a powerful and often challenging exercise from Louise Hay. Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you and accept you!” If no one is available around you to let you know that, you are still empowered to do it yourself.

As a little one, you didn’t have that choice. Now it is different. It can be helpful to differentiate for yourself how it was then and how it is now. What can be the new “normal” for you? What do you want as the new “normal’? Perhaps the challenges of this time can teach us to love and accept and listen to ourselves and all those aspects of ourselves we have believed in the past were unlovable because they weren’t “normal.”