On the eve of the winter solstice this year, I joined a few other Continuum teachers for a Continuum dive to acknowledge the shift this moment in the year signifies. As I allowed my body tissues to melt and deepened into the embryonic fluid potential that we all have within us, a thought came to me.
The Solstice is the darkest, shortest day of the year. Ironically, it begins our journey into increasing light. It is about the return of the light at a time when we experience the greatest darkness. With this awareness, it occurred to me that this time of year can support the union of opposites, generating an experience of wholeness.
Equally ironically, perhaps, I see that the polarities on our planet are emphasized at this time, suggesting they have no intention of coming together. War rages in the Middle East. My heart is torn learning about how innocent children, both Palestinian and Israeli, are suffering and dying as these two peoples act out their perception of polarity. Similarly, in the Ukraine, people who embrace the freedoms of democracy are being attacked by their neighbor which adheres to authoritarian rule. All around the world, women’s rights to education, equality, safety, and even to the freedom to choose what they want to wear are challenged by male-dominated religious or political leaders who denigrate and believe they own the women around them. People of color or identifying as other than the accepted sexual orientation or gender are being polarized as dangerous.
What will it take to recognize and welcome our differences as aspects of the same whole?
I believe it is up to each one of us to meet within ourselves parts that we judge, criticize, reject, or are ashamed of. As we establish union within ourselves, we can begin to embrace it in the world. What happens within you as you read this?
Learning from the Embryo
Having been fascinated by embryology for years, I see the embryo as our teacher. I come back to the first important union that 
initiates each of our lives. Egg and sperm, truly polar opposites, find it within themselves to join together.
Spiritual embryologist, Jaap Van der Wal, points out that the egg is the largest human cell due to her very high volume of cytoplasm (fluid). She is also relatively passive and receptive, being moved by currents around her. The sperm, in contrast, is the smallest human cell, composed almost entirely of genetic material to be delivered to the egg. He has lost as much cytoplasm as possible to become more streamlined for his active swimming towards the egg. When the two meet, the movement of sperm tails surrounding the egg is incorporated into the stillness of the egg creating a rotating whole.
Van der Wal describes this stage of coming together as the Preconception Attraction Complex (PCAP). This is essentially one unit. When the egg opens to receive one sperm, together they become a unicellular organism, known as the zygote.
Can we learn from this early union? The polar opposites of sperm and egg don’t seem to have a problem with uniting and informing each other. Indeed, that is their biological mission.
What is our problem? Why can’t we similarly accept and welcome other human beings, regardless of their differing beliefs, religions, skin color, nationality, etc.?
I recently had a powerful experience in relation to some people in my little town. I had learned that these people were distributing a very right-wing newspaper encouraging violence towards certain minorities. I found myself unable to find compassion for them. My own fear, inherited from generations before me, seemed to take me over. I found myself repeating arguments with these people over and over in my head.
As someone who practices metta (a meditation involving an intention for loving kindness for oneself and others) daily, I found my own reaction difficult to accept. When I have read about political leaders I strongly disagree with, I have been able to see them as highly traumatized, acting out the challenges of their own childhood. I felt good about being able to have compassion for them, regardless of how they were causing suffering for some many people. Why couldn’t I do this with these people in my own town?
After weeks of practicing metta, I found myself walking past this group the other day. I was amazed to experience myself automatically sending them metta, wishing them good will, health, peace, and love. My heart felt open. I felt no remnant of the fear and rage that had emerged previously. Something had shifted.
When I consider the wars, discrimination, and even destruction of Mama Earth going on these days, I see a similar phenomenon. I perceive people acting out trauma that they may not even be aware of having.
Trauma Seeking Attention
Unresolved trauma seeks to be addressed. It does what it needs to do to receive the attention that can heal it. This is recognized as re-enactment in the world of psychology.
People who have been traumatized, either personally or ancestrally, tend to repeat in some form the trauma they have endured. For example, consider the people of Israel whose ancestors have been attacked, murdered, or at least discriminated against for centuries. Their wounding may underlie extreme reactions with guns or arrest when armed soldiers encounter a Palestinian child holding a stone. Without doing their own trauma healing, people are likely to perceive their neighbors as dangerous and attack them in a way they claim is defensive. We can probably see this in every example of polarized exclusion of others.
If this seems far-fetched to you, I invite you to consider what we have learned from Stephen Porges, who originated the polyvagal theory. According to Porges, our autonomic (automatic) nervous system consists of three major parts: the ventral Vagus nerve associated with our social engagement system, the sympathetic fight-flight system, and the dorsal Vagus or parasympathetic system, which can support rest and repair but also causes us to shut down and dissociate when we are overwhelmed. When the latter two systems are in a defensive mode, they orient to danger. When we are activated in either a sympathetic or a dorsal Vagal state, we cannot accurately perceive safety in present time. This skill is reserved for the ventral Vagus system.
If our ancestors or we personally have endured trauma, we will tend to be in a defensive state. It will be more difficult for us to perceive safety. For example, in his book, My Grandmother’s Hands, Resmaa Menakem describes how white policemen arrest or shoot innocent, unarmed African Americans because the policemen feared for their lives. It was the policeman’s defensive nervous system that was misperceiving these harmless people as dangerous.
We need to address our trauma! We need to deal with our personal histories, our ancestral experiences, and our collective traumas. Fortunately, there are people who have been able to see and act beyond their trauma histories, and can simply embrace with friendship and good will those who appear somehow different from themselves. They seem to perceive these others as humans, instead of potential enemies.
We now know from the field of epigenetics that our genes can be turned on and off based on our environment, or our perceived 
environment. If our grandparents experienced life-threatening danger, our parents are likely to have had altered stress responses. Their stress physiology is likely to have been passed on to us. Their stressed reactions to our behavior are also likely to have created stress and possibly trauma for us. In these ways, ancestral trauma is passed on to future generations.
Embracing the Dark
It is time for us to embrace the dark shadows of our trauma. When we shine the light on the past and its effects on the present, we can liberate ourselves from the domination of those effects.
The Solstice reminds me of the great opportunity we have. This is a time when we are more likely to be thinking about light and dark. We enter the light at the darkest time of the year. We are probably aware of the sun setting hours earlier than it will in the summer. Darkness is right before us. How can we embrace it? How can we find compassion for and welcome who we are, who our ancestors were, what humanity is acting out… How can we generate metta for all beings?
For me, my Continuum practice softens the inhibitors established as defensive protection. As I practice, I sense the places of holding in my body dissolving. I feel more whole. I feel my heart opening and my being nourished. I feel ready in a way I don’t think my ancestors ever did. I wish this for all of us. What supports you in being more present, more free, more whole?
May we all be happy.
May we all be peaceful.
May we all know our inherent freedom and luminosity.
Many we generate peace and good will to all beings.
