Masks, Birth and Social Engagement

Many of us were born surrounded by masked faces of strangers assisting a medicalized birth. Imagine how it might be for a little one whose brain and body are geared for seeing mum’s welcoming face and feeling her warm cuddles to instead be greeted by a busy hospital room full of medical strangers. What happens in your body as you read this?

The good news is that we have all made it through the birth canal and those first moments after birth, whether they matched the welcoming blueprint well or poorly. Babies can be remarkably resilient and adaptive. We have survived. Thriving may be another matter.

Unfortunately, some of us may feel the same way about our present circumstances. We may feel like we are surviving but not thriving.

As I write this, the British prime minister has just announced that we are going back into national lock down in a few days. I read in the news about fines in some countries for not wearing a mask. The streets today look very different than they did a year ago, with people’s faces hidden behind the required masks, if they dare to go out at all.

What does this situation do to our social engagement nervous system? This is the ventral Vagus nerve and related cranial nerves of the face and head that Stephen Porges has informed us enable us to be socially engaged with each other. It down regulates our defensive fight-flight or freeze responses, supporting us in accurately assessing safety in present time and being able to rest or immobilize when warm, friendly affectionate contact is available. We as humans, as primates, need this aspect of our nervous system to be online. It supports our health and sense of well-being.

Birth Replay?

For those of us who were met by masks at birth, being surrounded by them again can be traumatizing. Our bodies remember the overwhelming experience we had back then, when we naturally searched for our mother’s face and body in order to feel safe.

Instead we may have had our umbilical cord cut before it stopped pulsing, been whisked away to be scrubbed clean, or had other intrusive or painful procedures done to us according to the medical beliefs of the time. We may have met all of this through the haze of anaesthesia administered to lessen maternal labour pains. And we may have already been exhausted or traumatized from a long hard journey through the birth canal or other interventions conducted on the way.

Now, being met by a sea of masks, we might find ourselves again feeling helpless, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, angry or desperate to see a friendly face. Does any of this resonate for you? It is possible that some of what you are feeling relates to your experience at birth.

Settling the Little One

If this feels relevant for you, I encourage you to consider the little one that you were back then when you were born. What is your sense of that little one? What does/did that little one need? Then, remembering your current age and all the resources you have available to you now that you didn’t back then, ask yourself how you might give you as a little one what they needed back then. This may also be what your inner little one needs now.

Do you imagine scooping the baby up and holding them in your arms, close to your heart? Perhaps you sing softly to them. You gaze into each others’ eyes. Can you feel the love for this sweet little being entering the world?

What happens inside you, in your body, when you imagine this?

You might feel your chest and heart soften. Maybe a few tears fall from your softening eyes. Can you feel your face? Does it by any chance feel softer? Or perhaps you can feel it more?

Masking our Feelings, Finding our Breath

We all learn early in life to wear a mask created by the muscles and tissues of the face, eyes, mouth, etc. We learn to hide emotions that are not accepted within our family or our culture. This time of mask-wearing seems to me like an opportunity to be curious about not only our reactions to seeing others wearing masks but also our own lifetime tendencies to hide behind our own.

How is it for you to meet others wearing a mask? Is something missing for you? Or perhaps you enjoy not having to be seen. The discomforts most often discussed have to do with not being comfortable breathing through the mask, feeling like we don’t get enough oxygen.

In a discussion about birth, we cannot ignore the common experience at birth of struggling to breath and being deprived of oxygen. We are designed to have two sources of oxygen at birth to ease the transition into lung breathing. Our umbilical cord continues to deliver oxygen to us as long as it pulses, which gives us time to adapt gently to breathing air with our lungs. When the cord is cut too quickly, as has been the common medical practice, we are deprived of this important source of oxygen and breathing becomes associated with survival, accompanied by a desperate need for oxygen and often including a sense of panic.

If you first breath was pressured and panicky like this, breathing through a mask may trigger this somatic memory, generating anxiety and even a sense of panicky suffocation.

Do you have a sense of what your first breath was like? How is your breath as you read this? It may give you some clues.

Again, it can help to consider what the little you might need and offer this to them as the grown up you reading this article.

Part of what the little one might need is acknowledgment of how difficult and scary it was back then. It is unlikely that anyone ever spoke to the about this. The feelings associated with this first dramatic experience then go into shadow, unconsciously held and acting to protect us. Along with the feelings, the breath is often held or shallow to avoid reawakening the memories of that primal struggle.

To support my inner little one, I might let her know that I really understand how hard it was and I’m sorry it was like that. I reassure her that we actually got through that time and are alive and well now. I hold her in a soothing way, gently rocking her, holding her close to my heart and noticing how we are safe now and we have all the oxygen we need now in the room we are in. As I hold her, I make soothing sounds, like some we practice Continuum.

In response, my little one looks up at me and begins to rest. Fortunately, we have been doing this kind of thing for years, so she knows and trusts me by now. You might find it takes time for your relationship with the little one in you to grow.

Awakening Your Social Engagement Nervous System

Regardless of whether any current discomfort or anxiety is actually related to your birth or not, it can be helpful to hold yourself in soothing ways. Your social engagement nervous system needs stimulation, like what it would usually receive when seeing other people’s faces. You can find some of that by meeting with friendly others online via your choice of video chat. You can also caress your face, ears and eyes softly, awakening the sensory nerves that stimulate the social engagement system. Humming and gentle sounding can also stimulate the Vagus nerve and help to calm your nervous system activations.

If you would like support in this process, my next online Continuum class, Behind the Mask, is all about this kind of social engagement nervous system stimulation. I’d love to have you join us. Please check it out here.